Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?
- Because the chicken is moving very fast, you can either observe the chicken
or you can measure the chicken, but you cannot do both.
- The chicken can never reach the other side because there are an
infinitessimal number of segments between him and the other side.
- It depends on the chicken's frame of reference as to whether the chicken
crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken.
- If the chicken gazes too long across the road, the road will also gaze into
- Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the
- Timothy Leary:
- Because it was the only trip the establishment would let it take.
- To show the armadillo it could be done.
- The ideal chicken must ideally cross the ideal road. Therefore, imperfect
chickens in this world cross imperfect roads, imperfectly.
- Karl Marx:
- She was driven by the lash of economic necessity.
- It is the essense of chickens to cross the road.
- Lao Tse:
- Those who cluck do not know.
- Those who know do not cluck.
- Capt. Jean Luc Picard:
- To see what's out there.
- Col. Oliver North:
- It was a national security matter.
- Basil Fawlty:
- Oh, never mind that chicken. She's from Barcelona.
- Sir Edmund Hilary:
- Because it's there.
- The Kingston Trio:
- The lions still roam the barranca
- And a hen there is always alone.
- Sigmund Freud:
- The telephone pole suggested a phallic symbol and like all female creatures
she wanted to be dominated.
- Jacques Derrida:
- The question admits of limitless answers, since there is no one logocentric
strategy of discourse that takes primacy over all others.
- Oscar Wilde:
- This chicken problem has many depths, but all of them are equally shallow.
- William Blake:
- Little chicken, who set thee free
- To wander here on Highway Three?
- "Oh, sir, your question's very odd;
- He is called the Lamb of God."
- Douglas Adams:
- Vito Corleone:
- We made her an offer she couldn't refuse.
- To kiss your skin, to lie with you in moonlight...
- Jean Paul Sartre:
- To impose a meaning upon her accidental existence.
- To leave the place she knew for another place
- And to stay there for a while
- And then to move onward to a third place.
- To ask this question denies your own chicken nature.
- Charles Darwin:
- It was the next step after coming down from the trees.
- Thomas Jefferson:
- All hens are endowed by Nature and Nature's God with the right to life,
liberty and the pursuit of the other side.
- When the emperor performs the rites with full reverence, and the court
officers behave as true scholars and gentlemen, a hen may cross any road in
the kingdom safely.
- Ernest Hemingway:
- To die. In the rain.
- H.P. Lovecraft:
- To escape the crawling horror lurking on this side of the road, a nameless
and foetid monstrosity that cannot be conceived save in the dreams of
- Friederich Nietzsche:
- There was no chicken, no road, no crossing. There was only an interpretation.
- Sid Vicious:
- Cause I had the effin' bird pinned to my right nipple when I started
chasin' Nancy across the effin' road wif my effin' switchblade.
- Darth Vader:
- She was seduced by the dark side of the road.
- Raymond Chandler:
- She had beady inhuman eyes like strange black jewels and the kind of
feathers a bird of paradise might envy. I knew that if they made her a
free-range chicken she'd grab the first opportunity and never look back.
- James Joyce:
- Mrs. Hahn, Cock's wife, flapflopped from an ova eggspressed (one l'ouvre,
end sot) and charged that lewd brigade into any tennis sun in this
- Robert Anton Wilson:
- Carol Christmas never knew if she had actually seen a chicken calmly
crossing the street in New York's worst traffic, or if it was another nasty
joke by that malign dwarf, Chaney. But now she was seeing chickens at every
corner, waiting for the light to change. She saw them most often after
coming out of her class on post-modern literature.
- Ronald Wilson Reagan:
- I don't remember.
- Weekly World News:
- Nostradamus predicted chicken/Bigfoot horror!
- Newt Gingrich:
- The chicken choose to exercize individual initiative and not wait for a
government-funded traffic light program.
- William Faulkner:
- Uncle Ike saw her first: just an ordinary chicken, he thought for a moment, a
chicken picking here and pecking there, gradually working her way across the
road toward the lawn; but then he felt the fingers tighten on his arm and
looked up, astounded, to see him, the Colonel, eyes lit with a new fire, face
aglow like a saint seeing a vision: and then it was destiny, a thing
pre-ordained, a fatality, for the Colonel did not reveal even to him, Uncle
Ike, the secret ingredients, not the names of the herbs and not even the
number of them (some would say he used as many as twenty, and others insisted
there was but Jone magic herb that created that special flavor) and so the
secret of the crust remained, a hermetic mystery, an arcanum implacable and
inpenetrable, locked in the private places of the Colonel's soul: and yet the
vision was real, a true moment of Fate; for the franchises sold almost as fast
as they could slaughter and gut the stock, and they spread across the country,
across the civilized world, making the Colonel not just a millionaire but a
billionaire, and Uncle Ike saw it all, knew it all, from the beginning to the
day when the initials KFC were to be seen in every city, every town, every
hamlet large enough to own two mules and an Assembly of God church: until now,
standing in the franchise in Jefferson, Yoknapatawpha County, where Flem
Snopes, the bank president, hawked and coughed and spat on the floor, then
hoisted his britches, country style, and said to the waitress, "Make it extra
- Hannibal Lecter, M.D.:
- I ate her liver. With fava beans. And a brandied cranberry sauce.
- Friar Broccoli:
- The light was green. With green-ness is truth and reason.
- Because it is in the nature of chickens, strictly defined in asmuch as they
are chickens, to cross roads.
- Jacques Prevert:
- I put the chicken on my head, and my military cap crossed the road...
- Arms and the chicken I sing, who first from the side of the road
- To the other side driven by fate, came at last to the foot
- Of the "don't walk" sign...
- Bill Gates:
- To lead the other chickens across the Info Superhighway (NOT road) and into
a world where there's a computer in every home. Its just where he wanted to
- The chicken both crosses the road and not-crosses the road because that is
the way of Tao.
- The Great Gonzo:
- Carmilla, come back!
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